final part (bazawara)

      I hurriedly got a taxi then we rushed to the hospital, I called my husband and my mum to inform them, to my surprise my husband got to the hospital before I did, he took Mummin from my hands and rushed him to the OPD, I couldn’t hide my tears! Everyone looked at me, I sat on the floor speechless, my heart beat faster, I kept biting my tongue, no no no, All my silent Dua (SUPPLICATIONS)turns loudest in my head. I heard someone calling from afar I couldn’t respond, my mother standing in front of me talking to me but I never knew it was her, she hit me had and asked, where is the child, I don’t know! I shouted… two nurses came to me, Madam can u please sit down and calm down. They led me to sit down.

      Still waiting for my husband he never came, anxiety keep piling up, at the OPD, a woman decided to stand up and talk to us about the word of God. I stood up to take my leave, she called me Amariya, I didn’t say let go to church but I feel like sharing a word of encouragement with all of us hmm, I humbly sat again! She said  ”ALL HOPE IS NOT LOST, THOSE WHO ARE DECLARED NONENTITY ON BED LIVES TO TELL THEIR SURVIVAL STORY, THOSE WHO WALKED by themselves TO CHEAKEUP EVEN DIE?HOW DO YOU QUESTION GOD? HOW DO U BELIEVE what MAN says! GOD DON’T CARE ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE HAVE DECLARED IN OUR LIFE BUT HE IS CONCERNED ABOUT HIS WORDS WHICH IS ETERNAL, NO BODY CAN CHANGE IT, AS A BELIEVER THERE ARE MANY SEASONS AND EPISODES IN OUR LIFE BECAUSE IN FACT IF WE ARE UNAWARE WE ARE MARE TRAVELERS, AND OUR DESTINATION REQUIRES US NOT TO CARRY UNNECESSARY LUGGAGE BUT A SIMPLE GUIDE BOOK SO THAT YOUR BROTHER OR YOUR SISTER WILL ALSO GET A PLACE TO STAY TILL YOU GET YOUR FINAL DESTINATION! AMARIYA, AMARIYA, ARE YOU WITH US, SHE CALLED, I NODDED IN AGREEMENT, -I WANT TO SEE MY HUSBAND, MY MOTHER AND MY ONLY CHILD, I HAVE SUFFERED, YA ALLAH, I CANT TAKE THIS WAITING ANYMORE, ! SHE GOT CLOSER TO ME AND SAID, IT WILL BE FINE AMARIYA, YOU LOOK SORROWFUL AND THE ANGELS ARE LOOKING AT YOU! YOU WILL GAIN YOUR STRENGTH BACK! IT IS JUST AN EPISODE, KEEP CALM AND TRUST THE LORD IN ALL THING, WHETHER GOOD OR BAD” my mum came and asked me to come with her to the house, my husband will bring mumin, I said to her I need to breastfeed him but she insisted, my sister then joined us, they took me home, just as I got home, I met a lot of in the house, I did get it, I entered the room then I broke down to tears What is going on for Allah sake! You are killing me slowly… my in-law came to me with tears in her eyes, she said”Inna lilah wa innaa ilyhi rajiun “to Allah we belong to him we return, we have lost Mumin! Gooooosssssh! I felt the strike in my ovaries crushing my eggs! Awww childless again! GOD FORSAKEN SITUATION…….

I rush alone to the bathroom, pondering over what the woman said” as a believer there will be many episodes in our life” and this is certainly one! “people are declared dead by doctors but they still survive but why not Mummin… and we shouldn’t questions God, BUT Allah can I ask my question, why not Mummin my only Child, you blessed me few month ago and you took it away? i know you won’t answer but can you whispers…. Indeed, silent!

      My husband walked straight to me and said you will be my love here and hereafter, I loved Mummin more than you but Allah has reason, let not grief much, come and say final good bye to the Angel, he -came to purposely tell everyone you are fertile and brought light to you! Let go and see him! He held me to my son! I bow down into tears… . nobody knows how my heart pumps excruciatingly! Hummmmmmmmm! I got up and my son is gone! Gone! Gone! Back to dust…

     Few months later my husband took me to Hajj, we went together and it was a nice sight to behold! I am relieved of my pains, I heard a woman crying in; my room that night, I got nearer to her I asked if there is any help I could offer, but she said no, she is in pain, she narrated “My only daughter had 8 miscarriages,4birth and the babies always die immediately after birth! The only one she got with her third husband, the child survive but my only daughter is mentally unstable now! I wish the child did not survive so I can have my daughter sound! Am lonely! I came to hajj to plead on Allah!

I kept quiet and she kept crying! this woman exemplifies a traveler who carries more luggage than I. May Allah accept our supplications…

     Abraham made this hajj possible for us through his patients and endurance, with Allah, he was tested with his Son .. Ishmael but he never doubted Allah’s grace, so my sweetheart never doubts Allah! pour your heart and leave all your luggage to Allah! Says my husband.

Alhamdulliah for my God-fearing husband, A pillar indeed for every episode of my life! I am a mare traveler and people have more luggage than I can imagine, I know I will give birth again one-day! I prayed to Allah on mount Arfa .

Salam.